Psalm 30 - New Living Translation (bold and italics added by meh)A psalm of David. A song for the dedication of the Temple.
1 I will exalt you, LORD, for you rescued me.
You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.
2 O LORD my God, I cried to you for help,
and you restored my health.
3 You brought me up from the grave,[a] O LORD.
You kept me from falling into the pit of death.
4 Sing to the LORD, all you godly ones!
Praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
6 When I was prosperous, I said,
“Nothing can stop me now!”
7 Your favor, O LORD, made me as secure as a mountain.
Then you turned away from me, and I was shattered.
8 I cried out to you, O LORD.
I begged the Lord for mercy, saying,
9 “What will you gain if I die,
if I sink into the grave?
Can my dust praise you?
Can it tell of your faithfulness? 10 Hear me, LORD, and have mercy on me.
Help me, O LORD.”
11 You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy,
12 that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!
(More about this later)
Not the Bible:
So, not only am I a blogless pregnant woman, I also can't seem to blog when I'm on maternity leave with 1 in daycare and 1 at home. Oh well. Here's what's happened in the last 6+ months:
Nothing too much until . . .
Michael was born!
Michael Gideon Mincy, weighing a whopping 9 pounds 11 ounces, and measuring 21.25 inches long came to us on Febuary 7, 2012
I have had hypertension my entire life, thin or fat. The only time it really acts up is when I'm pregnant, and boy does it! I was on bedrest only from January 26 until the day he was born, not the prolonged ordeal that happened with baby Daniel, praise the Lord. Oh, by the way . . .
Baby Daniel isn't really a baby anymore, lol. 35 pounds of boy
Poor Michael isn't named after anyone bless his heart! Technically, I guess you could say he is named after me since I'm a Michelle, but, eh? We just liked the names.
We are a blessed family of 4
I have had a very difficult time recovering from Michael's delivery. Not physically, but mentally. I have been experiencing post partum depression. I had good old regular depression after Daniel as Dad passed a week after D's birth. This is very different. I am on medication which has helped me function again - I was to the point I felt I almost couldn't muster the energy to get out the recliner to do things like change diapers. It is a daily fight for normalcy in my mind.
I am also no longer a hospice nurse. After 3 years of 48 hour call, never being caught up on charting, never feeling like I was off work, 2 difficult pregnancies, and 2 babies under 2 . . . I had to find the difference of loving what I was doing, but not loving the job. I hate not being a hospice nurse. I will go back to it one day, but this is not a job for a young mother. Well, a mother of young children as I no longer feel very young anymore I guess. I am back at the hospital I felt I grew up in, working in their very wonderful geriatric clinic. My first day in the clinic is tomorrow.
James Andrew and I are also making major life changes, the first one being weight loss. We were overweight when we got married, but after 2 kids, 2 c-sections, hospice work, and the death of my beloved daddy . . . fitness has really gotten away from us. My goal is to be the size I was when we started dating.. I am comfortable there and all my clothes fit. I don't want to be skinny because I think skinny women are really bitchy (hehe), and James Andrew likes women with a little meat on their bones lol. We are also completing more home improvement. As I got pregnant with Michael immediately after we moved to White Hall last spring we didn't get the chance to plant flowers, compost, etc.
My sweet boys at the zoo, just 'cause they are cute!
I'm getting tired . . .
Back to the Psalm. I have been pondering these verses since I got home today. I looked at myself in the mirror today for the first time in a while, and I realized that postpartum depression aside, I have still been casting a huge aura of mourning around myself that has not stopped since my father died. I told someone recently that I was ready to live again and try to live in happiness and joy, but I haven't cast off my mourning clothes in a very physical as well as mental way. Easter was one of the first times I haven't worn black or some other dark color in 2 years. After dad's death I recalled "Gone with the Wind" (the book) and Scarlett's thoughts after Bonnie died, that she could layer on the black upon black. It's a way to hide. As hard as this will be, I am shedding the black. Lazarus was called by Christ to shed his mourning clothes, and I feel it is time for me to do this as well.My goal and one of the new purposes of my blogging is to show a representation that I am trusting God's word that he will restore my joy. Depression and loss has robbed me of so much of the joy I should have been feeling over the last 2 years. My dad would be pissed.
Time for bed. My sweet boys are long alseep, and the hubs is floating in that direction too. Time for me to follow.