Monday, December 20, 2010

Teething. Anti Love.

Daniel cut his first tooth on Saturday.  I was feeding him his morning bottle when I noticed it.  I screamed so loud with joy that I scared little man!  He has a beautiful pearly white tooth on the front bottom right.
Then . . . pain for little man.  He was hurting yesterday.  That's the bad part of this thing.  So awesome for him to be a big man, but it hurts!
I guess that's life, though.  The things that have helped me grow, and maybe have marked points where I've grown up have hurt.  God doesn't promise us a happy life, or a pain free life.  He does promise that He will put us through fire to remove the things that He does not like from us.  It's a hard thing to remember.  It's a hard thing to live.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A Lifting Fog

After 6 months of living my life under a fog, I think it is finally starting to lift.  I want to participate in life again like I was before my Dad died.  I've just been wanting to disappear under a rock, I guess.  I've never missed anyone more than I miss my Father. 
I think that's all I have to say about that, for now.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Ode to a Diet Coke

Thank you for being my long-term friend, with me through thick and thin.  You perk me up when I'm down, and my eyes light up when I'm around you.  Thank you for all you do!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

My New Favorite Recipe

Well, technically not new.  But it is my favorite.

Tator Tot Casserole

1 2 pound bag tator tots
1 can evaportated milk
1 can cream chicken soup
1 can cheddar cheese soup
1 pound ground turkey
1 small onion

1. Sautee onion until soft in a little butter. 
2. Brown meat and drain.
3. Mix milk and soups.
4. Put meat in bottom of a 13x9 in casserole.
5. Cover meat with onion.
6. Cover onion with tator tots.
7. Cover tator tots with liquids.
8. Bake at 400 degrees F for 40 minutes.

I mean, come on: meat, cheese, potatoes.  You really can't go wrong!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Eat Pray Love

I passed out about 9:00 last night.  My last thought before I woke up at 4:00 this morning was hearing the hubs say that he had cabin fever and was going to WalMart.  My first thought when I woke was "Clogged Nose!".  I am an Afrin addict and my buzz wears off around 4-5am.  I tumbled to the little girl's room down the hall to get my fix.  I keep a little DVD player in the bathroom for my longer baths in case I need music or to just chill out and watch Friends and watch Citizen Kane.  Apparently my hubs went to the Redbox at WalMart and picked up a copy of Eat Pray Love. - it was sitting on top of DVD player.

My love-ed step-mother got me and my sisters a copy of this book about 3 years ago.  I think it was around the time James Andrew and I started dating.  I read it and found a sense of peace, because at the time I felt like I was at the place that Liz comes to at the end of the novel.  I went through a series of events much like hers about 4 years before, not spurned by my own divorce, but by my parent's. 

My parent's divorce left me emotionally barren.  My mother left all of us to have a new and better family (or so she thought).  I was at the point that I was frequently locking myself in the bathroom to cry, at home and at work.  I was drinking to put myself out my my wakeful misery.  All this at 23.

Then I moved in with my Dad for a year.  I became a Christian.  My father met my stepmother, and I moved out before they got married.  I moved to a small gated apartment complex in Conway.  I joined a small house church.  And my journey began. 

I spent the next 2 years getting out very little other than to go to work or help care for my grandparents.  I spent this year watching the Food Network and cooking for myself.  And cooking and cooking and cooking for myself.  I think I gained about 50 pounds that year, but I had so much fun doing it.  I'd been a lifelong Weight Watchers member, always paying attention to the bottom line of my calories.  I drove me nuts.  I just quit watching the numbers and started enjoying mashed potatoes with sour cream, home-made pasta dishes, and many pot roasts among other dishes.

I also spent that year deep into learning about God and the Christain faith.  I have about 20 journals from that time, filled with my thoughts and everyday prayer, trying to see the face of God.  I'd never felt closer to God in my life.  I loved my church.  I remember a night when we prayed for hours.  I felt the presence of God so Great around us that I couldn't breathe. 

Then I met my future husband.  I'd never believed in love at first sight until then.  He was the second half of me.

So, reading this book felt like a victory!  Yea!  I'm there!  3 cheers for Kara!

Watching the movie this morning only too much reminded me how far I've slid back.  After my father died, I lost all the things I had gained.  I couldn't eat.  Couldn't sleep.  Couldn't pray because all I wanted to do was curse God.  Couldn't grasp my relationship with my husband because all I wanted in my life was my father. 

I've gotten some of these things back.  I've started cooking again.  I realized God can take my anger.  And the hubs has stood by the deep lows I've had.  My son is teaching me new levels of love.  I may never quite regain the victory I felt a few years ago.  It will be different when it comes back, maybe some bitterness in the sweet.  But I think it will come back.  At least, that's my daily prayer.

Friday, December 3, 2010

My Son, the Fruit Eater of Arkansas

I love feeding Daniel dinner.  He is a lot like me - not so big on the vegetables, but loves the fruit.  My new favorite baby food (so is his) is the Stage 2 Gerber Apple Vanilla and Mixed Grains.  He's a little young for foods for sitters (as he can't sit on his own yet) but he spits the thin purees out as soon as you get them in.  He actually eats the thicker foods and seems to enjoy them.  I thought I was going to lose a finger while he was eating the aforementioned apple mix.

It amazes me when I realize how smart he is.  He knew that the apple was in the clear dish.  I had some oatmeal in a white dish that he snubbed his nose to, but when that apple dish came near him he opened that big mouth wide.  Smart mommy mixed some of the oatmeal in with the apple - Daniel couldn't tell the difference, thank goodness.

I hope he gets to liking his vegetables.  I worry he may end up like me, but I ended up not liking veggies because no one cooks them like my Granny.  Bacon grease was a staple in her lovely creations.  It sure does make everything go down easier!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

10 Things I Don't Get (or, Observations on the Road)

 1.  Why someone driving an ancient Ford Taurus has 20 inch rims on their wheels.
 2.  Why I saw a woman urinating (oh yes!) on the sidewalk on Asher.
 3.  Why there are so many dead dogs and cats on the side of the road.  I've never seen so many in my life!
 4.  Why the gas station I passed today that had gas for $2.48 a gallon had gas for $2.69 a gallon 5 minutes later.
 5.  Why people burn leaves in their yard.  I'm sorry - I have allergies and so do millions of other Americans.  Bag your fricking leaves!
 6.  Why there are so many potholes between Redfield and Jefferson.
 7.  Why churches post comments on their signs about burning in Hell.  Hey guys, it's Christmas.  Stop it!
 8.  Why people are still texting and driving.
 9.  Why people still post signs on their yards that tresspassors will be shot on sight.  What if I'm just lost?
10. Why people tail slower cars.  Just pass them!  It's no big deal!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Therefore I decided to Blog

Blogging isn't really a totally new concept for me.  Way back (haha) in college I had a page on the oldie but goodie "Live Journal" site.  Boy did that get me in trouble, especially when I decided to post more than I should have.  Oh the travails of the very young and very naive. 

Now, I'm about 10 years older, though maybe none the wiser.  I might have more to say, or maybe some more interesting things to say . . . sometimes.

Now I'm almost 30, married, with an almost 6 month old child.  My father, who I adored more than any daughter could, passed away less than a week after my (and his) baby love was born.  And the grief . . . how sweet the sting.

My baby love, my dearest hubby, the art of cooking, the Lord my God, and the occasional good movie are the things that keep me adrift in this world, and I guess those are the things I have to talk about.  They are my other drugs.  I'm sure my Dad will pop in every now and again, but I'm hoping to keep the happy and eternally funny memories of him alive by sharing them with others . . . I mean, really, how many men can make you laugh only with their eyes!  He could!  My Charlie Chaplin daddy!

Now it's 10:00 at night, I've typed very little, and I have about enough energy to go to bed.  Or sleep in the recliner.  Since I'm in the recliner, I think I'll just go to sleep.